Breaking the Stigma

These past few months haven’t been great. Okay, to be honest they have straight up sucked, but I’m fighting to leave the dark and shitty behind.

In my past I’ve battled with depression and PTSD. The words sound harsh, but I think it’s important to talk about this stuff to make it less “taboo.” I love that so many people are talking about their struggles openly, so I don’t see a reason why to keep quiet about it here either. Depression (and PTSD) are probably more common than you’d think. A lot more common than I thought when I was first told I have depression many years ago. I didn’t really want to think about it, and to be honest I was too unbalanced to care or understand. I wanted to forget about it, but guess what? It’s not something that just goes away without putting up a fight and facing it. In general, I’m a very joyful person, I get excited really easily, I love to laugh and don’t take myself or life too seriously. But sometimes bad things happen, I begin to feel too much and think too much and can have a strong flight or fight response that can bring me down if I don’t keep it in check. When this happens to me, I start feeling almost numb.

Back when I was a teenager, I spent a lot of time alone. I didn’t have a ton friends, I was tired of bullying and gossiping that happened in high school and didn’t have any experience of a romantic relationship that wasn’t straight up toxic. I know everyone has their struggles when they are teenagers, I’m definitely not holding any grudges towards anyone. But there started my battle with depression, and my wrong ways of coping with it. And just when I thought things were getting too hard to navigate, I unexpectedly lost my dad. Life can throw some horrible curveballs sometimes.

By nature, I'm an optimist and I believe 100% in turning our difficulties into opportunities. Hard times can create an inner strength that prepares us to become the version of yourself that you’re meant to become. To help open your eyes to something you had maybe once ignored. Or help you realize the things you took for granted. One thing I have fully learned, is to pay attention to those tiny things and tiny decisions. Each day, each moment. They will add up and create big results. On both your well-being and whole life.

What has this all to do with anything, you might ask? Yes, I definitely feel like I’ve won my biggest battles with both depression and PTSD, but there are still times when I’m not feeling my best. It’s okay to admit that. I think we should all talk more openly about these things. So yeah, when life gets too heavy for me, sometimes I have to stop and see the signs and punch these mental health conditions in the face again.
My birthday is coming up next week and in all honesty, my wish is to put my focus into those tiny moments, real people who treat me with respect, weird-ass random adventures with my dog, and digging up all those light and happy sarcastic thoughts because that’s what makes me happy. Just keeping it simple in 2021 and treasuring each moment. Oh, and I know they say you shouldn’t share your wish if you want it to come true, but I personally don’t think wishes work that way.